You Are So Loved

Dear Mark,

I’ve never cared much for Valentine’s Day. It has always seemed like a made up “holiday.” Admittedly, it is a nice excuse to get dressed up and go out for a fancy dinner, but until last year, it wasn’t particularly important to me.

As of 2015 though, Valentine’s Day holds a special place in my heart. It was on that day, we found out that you existed! I had a feeling that you were there, but it was confirmed around 6:30am on February 14, 2015. What a great day! Our lives haven’t been the same since that moment.

Valentine’s Day this year came and went in the blink of an eye. We spent February 14^th out of town, house hunting. It was exhausting, a bit stressful, and overall a very long day. Now that the smoke has settled, we have finally found a house (yay!) and you are taking what will hopefully be a long nap, I have finally had an opportunity to reflect on the one year anniversary of finding out that we were going to be parents again. There are a few things I want you to know.

I want you to know that you are incredibly loved. I am not talking, “I love him because he is so cute” kind of love. Yes, you are super cute, but my love for you extends much further than that. I am talking, “I would literally give my life for you,” kind of love. That is how your dad and I have felt since the moment we found out that you existed last year on Valentine’s Day. You are so incredibly and deeply loved.

You were born into a family that has experienced excruciating heartbreak. We have held another baby in our arms, your older sister, and watched as her tiny, precious, and pure life slipped away. Perhaps that heartbreak has taught us how to love even more deeply and intentionally than we ever thought possible. It has taught us that love is about sacrifice and a willingness to give of yourself to another person. So each day, that is what I try to do for you.

Please know that despite the exhausted look on my face at 3:00am and wide eyes I may give you when scrubbing your clothes from another diaper blowout, I absolutely love you. Even when you roll onto your stomach for the nine millionth time and then eventually start screaming because you can’t figure out how to roll to your back yet, I still love you more than words can express. When you are loud and frustrated in the car because you just don’t want to spend another moment in that car seat, I may look impatient, but I promise I still love you with my whole heart.

I love you deeply because I am your mother, and because great tragedy has taught me how to love on a whole new level and to appreciate the beautiful gift that you are to our family.

My prayer for you is that you will grow up knowing how much you are loved. I pray that our love for you will help mold you into a young man of faith who loves each person he encounters the way Christ told us to:

“Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

John 13:34-35

I love you, sweet boy. Happy Valentine’s Day!

Love,

Your Mom