Last week, Mark was the “star student” at preschool. One of the requirements was an “All About Me” survey. Mark and I sat at the kitchen table and filled it out together. Mark was very excited to answer the questions.
My Favorite thing to play with: cash register
My Favorite TV show: Super Wings
When we got to the question about the number of people in his family, Mark didn’t miss a beat. “5 – Mommy, Daddy, Isabelle, Mark, and Arthur.”
He grinned and asked about the next question before I could even fully process his answer.
I thought about his answer all afternoon. His response brought both joy and a twinge of sadness to my heart. He is, after all, my rainbow baby. His cheerful grins are both a reminder of the storm that we weathered and the fact that our hearts were fully capable of loving once again. As a parent, I was proud that he instinctively chose to recognize his sister as an important member of our family. Unfortunately, the same question may prove to be a bit more complicated for him to respond to later in life. If only we all chose to view the world through the lens of a child.
In the four years since Mark was born, I find myself regularly assessing how I incorporate Isabelle into our family life and often pray that I am doing it well.
My goal has always been to speak openly about her with our children in a way that is appropriate for their ages. For now, Mark knows that he has a sister and that she is in heaven. We ask her to pray for us from heaven each evening at dinner and have several traditions centered around her.
I want my boys to grow up feeling comfortable talking about difficult topics such as infant loss. I want them to be part of the movement to heal and support. I want them to fight the urge to build up emotions to an unhealthy level simply because it is taboo to discuss such topics.
I know that there is going to come a time in the not so distant future when Mark and Arthur are going to have questions about Isabelle. I pray that I know the best way to respond. For now, we will continue to incorporate her into our family life in simple ways.
A great example is tonight’s Wave of Light. At 7pm, people all over the world will be lighting a candle in memory of all babies lost to pregnancy or infant loss. Our hope is to bring awareness to an often-uncomfortable topic and promote discussion and healing. Far too many people carry the overwhelming weight of loss inside for years simply because society doesn’t feel it is acceptable to talk about it.
It is my hope that tonight, the quiet act of lighting a candle will send a loud message: It is okay to remember. It is okay for your heart to still hurt. It is okay to share.
#WAVEOFLIGHT2019
